Lite roliga saker som sagts...

[Barre]

Fick detta i ett mail, tänkte att några andra också skulle få dra på smilbanden..

These are from a book and are things people actually said in court, word
for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the
torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking
place.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS : July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS: Oral.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

[ninetwozero]

haha XD we want more

[PsySine]

det var det roligaste jag någonsin läst!

[per9000]

[...]
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS: Oral.
[...]

Ha, ha, ha... jämför med "press any key"

/per

[vulfgar]

ROTFLMFAO!!! 

Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

Undrar om det är samma advokat som ställde flera av idoiotfrågorna. 

[puppy]

HAHAH! Helt guld! ;D;D

[Okänd]

[Faidros]

 

[Zhaozhou]

Haha, doktorn i dom två sista (jag antar att dom är samma) var ju bäst.

[Hund]

Tillåt mig att skratta; HAHAHAHA!

[to wonder]

...Den längst ner där va riktigt skön... 

[Galgalid]

lmao

[Bossieman]

Här kommer fler:


Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________
Q: This condition you have... does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?


Fråga: Vad heter er svåger?
Svar: Borofkin.
Fråga: Och vad heter han i förnamn?
Svar: Det kommer jag inte ihåg.
Fråga: Han har varit er svåger i flera år, och ändå kommer ni inte ihåg hans förnamn?
Svar: Nej. Jag är för nervös. (Reser sig upp ur stolen och pekar på Borofkin) Herregud, Nathan, säg vad du heter i förnamn!
______________________________________
Fråga: Är ni gift?
Svar: Nej, jag är skild.
Fråga: Och vad gjorde er man innan ni skilde er från honom?
Svar: En massa saker som jag inte vet om.
______________________________________
Fråga: Kände ni den avlidne?
Svar: Ja.
Fråga: Före eller efter hans bortgång?
______________________________________
Fråga: Vad hände sedan?
Svar: Han sa: "Jag måste döda dig eftersom du vet vem jag är."
Fråga: Och dödade han dig?
Svar: Nej.
______________________________________
Fråga: Lyfte han upp hunden i öronen?
Svar: Nej.
Fråga: Vad gjorde han med hundens öron?
Svar: Han lyfte upp dem i luften.
Fråga: Och var var hunden då?
Svar: Den satt fast i sina öron.
______________________________________
Fråga: Och vad gjorde han sedan?
Svar: Han kom hem, och nästa morgon var han död.
Fråga: Så han vaknade upp nästa morgon och var död.
______________________________________
Fråga: Kunde du se honom från där du stod?
Svar: Jag kunde se hans huvud?
Fråga: Och var fanns hans huvud?
Svar: Alldeles ovanför hans axlar.
______________________________________
Fråga: Vad menas med att det finns sperma där?
Svar: Att ett samlag har ägt rum.
Fråga: Manlig sperma?
Svar: Det är den enda sort jag känner till.
______________________________________
Fråga: När han gick, skulle ni då ha följt med och skulle hon då, om hon ville och kunde, för ögonblicket bortsett från alla de hinder som inskränkte hennes möjligheter att göra så, också ha följt med, under förutsättning att han skulle ha tagit er, det vill säga er och henne, med sig till stationen?
Svar: Jag protesterar. Ställ den där frågan framför en mur — och skjut den.
______________________________________

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
______________________________________

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
A: Can yuo repeat that question?
______________________________________
Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: I have been since early childhood.
______________________________________
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
______________________________________
Q: Where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
______________________________________
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
______________________________________
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
______________________________________
Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
______________________________________
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?
______________________________________
Q: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
______________________________________
Q: Were you alone or by yourself?
______________________________________
Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
______________________________________
Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
_____________________________________
Q: So you were gone until you returned?
______________________________________
Q: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you
describe it?
______________________________________
Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
______________________________________
Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.